You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
