Pants 0. Shit 1.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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