I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
