i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
