This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
