My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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