i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
