Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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