On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just found puke in my bra..
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
