K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
