did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I wish there were birth control emojis
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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