someone threw a dead crab at me
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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