I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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