It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
