College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
