Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
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