We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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