get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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