It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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