brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize