U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
