i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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