Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
