i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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