Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
