Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
