How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
