Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
