Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
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The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
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Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
my liver is dry heaving
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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