is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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