i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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