she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
