Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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