She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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