Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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