dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize