Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We left the knife in your bed.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
