I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
