well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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