my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
