Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
