Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
