I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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