dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
