Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
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Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
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After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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