what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
worst night to have a conscience
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
