apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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