can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
