I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
