Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
