I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My penis needs a shock collar
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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