Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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