can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
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after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
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I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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