Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
