She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
