I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
