if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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