Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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