tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
