Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
